So Little Time
by chezchuckles
Summary: Futurefic - if you're optimistic, season five. If you're a realist, sometime after the series finale.
1. Chapter 1

**So Little Time**

* * *

><p>Beckett had worked fourteen days in a row, cleared four homicides, solved a cold case, and single-handedly saved the city. Or something like that. When Gates gave her Monday off, she took it gladly.<p>

She emailed Castle that she'd be sleeping in, warning him not to look for her, and then crawled into bed and pulled the covers up.

She woke once when a car alarm went off outside, but fell back asleep before it quit. At some point, her phone vibrated on the bedside table, but she couldn't move to get it. She should, she really should, but it was too much effort and everyone who cared knew she had the day off.

When she realized she'd been on her right side for a while now, that her ear was throbbing with the remnants of last week's sinus infection, she slowly opened her eyes.

Late afternoon light spilled over her shoulder and painted the wall beside her bed. She lay there for a moment, then rolled onto her back, blinking up at the ceiling.

It was three-fifty. Her ribs ached, her ear was filled with fluid, and yet she felt so very, very good.

Wow. She'd needed that.

Kate sat up, swaying slightly, then checked her phone.

Two voicemails and a text. Email from Castle asking where she was.

_I've got book stuff until 9. Will you be on?_

Kate groaned and leaned over the side of the bed for her tablet computer - his stupid, silly (sweet) gift to her before he left for the UK tour - and pulled it up on top of the comforter. She woke it immediately, rubbing at her eyes as it established a wireless connection, then opened up the chat application.

He was there.

_About time._

She smirked and propped herself up in bed, paused over the screen's pop-up keyboard. The chat was always nice, but she wanted his voice, without the terrible lags and delays that always went with skype or facetime.

_Call me._

And then she put the ipad to sleep, dropped it back on the floor, and slid down into bed. She wasn't usually a lounger, didn't laze around on a free Saturday, but she'd slept so late, so hard, that she was having trouble-

Her phone rang and she smiled, answered it as she curled up with her pillow.

"Hey there, world traveler."

"Hey yourself. You sound sexy. Just wake up?

"Mm-hm," she murmured and burrowed further under the covers, her body heating at just the casual way he'd said _sexy_. "What'd you do today?"

"Book party. I miss you."

"I bet you do."

"Hey now. You don't miss me?"

"I've been asleep all day. No time to miss you."

He sighed over the phone, making a noise in his throat like he was clucking at her, and she felt like humming in response. Wanted so badly to have him with her in bed.

"Glad you had a day off. How was Gates about the other thing?"

"Not happy," she growled and pressed her hand over her eyes. "But it helped that you weren't here to - to rile her up."

"Yeah," he laughed, that rich chuckle that crawled inside her chest and purred.

"You gotta stop making her so mad at you."

"She's mad all on her own. I just look at her wrong and she gets mad."

"But now you're doing it on purpose."

"Heh, yeah. I am."

She snorted and rubbed her eye, yawned as sleep began to leave her. "Now that she knows, you're gonna have to be on your best behavior, Castle."

"Yeah, I know. Boorrring."

She laughed back and switched hands, rolling to her other side to look out the windows. The light was beautiful, limning the roof garden, making her scraggly plants look healthy again. She'd been neglectful these last few weeks; she spent more time at the station than her own place.

"So. Book party. Meet any hot chicks?"

"None," he said with relish. "It's so disappointing. It's like they've all disappeared. I don't know what's happened. Ooh, Beckett, you should hop the pond and help me investigate."

"You better not be investigating."

"Not without you," he murmured, his voice dipping low. Cheesy, smarmy, and it still worked. She felt her body curl into the sound of him.

"Castle."

"Hmm?"

"That's a no on the threesome."

He barked a laugh that made her smile in response, glad she could still surprise him.

"What's tomorrow like for you?" she said, once his mirth died down.

"Oh, crap. I have a meeting at seven and the handler is here at six to have me sign books beforehand to give out. And then after that, there's a goodwill thing with the UK publishing house, lunch with the secondhand retailers, and then . . . uh, I can't remember. Oh, I think we leave Edinburgh after that."

"Mm, that means you've got to go to bed soon," she sighed.

"Yeah," he said softly. "I do."

"I'm sorry. I didn't hear my phone."

"What's the point of having the international call plan if you don't answer?" he laughed.

"I know. I wish-"

"You needed the sleep, Kate."

She listened to him breathing on the other end, felt the warmth of him even though he wasn't here. She really could fall back asleep, even having slept so long; she'd been running ragged these past three weeks, trying to keep herself busy.

"I wouldn't have needed so much sleep if you'd been here," she said.

"Wow. That's a terrible thing to say."

"What?"

"You implying that I'm a snooze? Or that maybe I can't keep you up all night? Way to hit a guy where it hurts, Beckett."

She laughed, a little breathless with the sudden image of how well he could keep her up all night. "Not exactly what I meant."

"Whew. Good to hear. What did you mean?"

"Just trying to keep busy. It's lonely at home."

"Without me, you mean? Aww, you getting sappy?"

"No," she snorted, switching sides again. "It's not sappy if it's the truth."

"Sure it is. You're getting all maudlin, pining away for me."

"I am not pining."

His little noise of disbelief was so clear that she could almost see him standing beside her at the murder board, dismissing her idea, backing his own theory.

She sighed, giving in just a little. "Too busy to pine."

"Which means you're just not letting yourself pine. I got it."

"You got nothing."

"I got you."

She closed her eyes, let it wrap around her like his arms. Always his words, _his words_. How they'd loved her when she was grieving her mother, how they'd loved her in his stead, how they still did.

"Kate?"

"You got me," she assured him, breathing softly.

"I hate this," he sighed.

"What?" Her eyes flickered open.

"Getting so little time with you."

She sighed with him over the line, so far away, the seven hour time difference. "You should go to bed, Rick."

"Already in bed," he murmured.

"Mm, me too."

"Sing me a lullaby."

She laughed. "No."

"Ye-es," he whined. "Please? Just this once."

"No, Castle. You hang up and be the world famous author."

She could seriously hear him grinning. "Yeah. World famous. How do you like that?"

"I kinda hate it, actually," she said dryly. "Means you're in Edinburgh, Scotland, while I'm in New York."

"It's not like LA or Iowa City would really be any closer."

"The time difference, Castle. We've had thirty minutes to talk and I'm just starting my day. I won't get to hear your voice when _I_ go to bed."

He laughed and she could hear the click of the light going off on his side. He really was in bed. "Well, Kate, who's fault is that? You just starting the day?"

"Yours. We've already discussed this."

"Ah, yes, I'm to blame for your workaholism. Sure, sure."

"You are. Because your absence keeps me at the station."

"Or maybe my lack of sterling insight into your cases keeps them open longer."

"Hmm," she frowned, not liking that idea.

"Yeah, that's what it is. Your solve rate has gone up since I came on scene."

It had, actually. Damn. "That's just because I was a young detective when you showed up. Everyone gets better with experience."

"You were so very young," he said softly, and she felt the strange sorrow in his voice.

"Castle?"

"Too young for me."

"And, conversely, you were too immature for me. So we're even."

He sighed. "You were young, but now you're beautiful. More beautiful every year."

She felt her body melt into the sheets. Because even though it sounded like a line, it wasn't. It was one of those honest things that came out of his mouth without his brain really thinking it through. And she loved those things, loved them.

Most times.

"Castle." She could mess with him, say something like _You saying I wasn't beautiful back then?_ but she had a feeling he'd just dig a deep hole for himself. And she didn't want to mess with him only to get that stumbling and stupid Castle in return. It _was_ late for him. It wouldn't be fair. "Castle, you should go to sleep."

"Yeah, I'm getting too melancholy. Time for bed. You gonna tuck me in?"

"Sure." She paused, listened to the faint shock on his end, smiled through his speechlessness. "You still there, Rick?"

"Yeah," he said, a little breathless. "Beautiful and hot. Did I say hot? You are so hot."

She laughed, bit her lip to keep from saying anything more. This was still so nascent, so fragile a surface tension. "You might have forgotten to mention hot."

"Let me correct that. Sexy as hell."

"I think hell is pretty hot."

He hummed on a laugh and she heard rustling on his end, imagined him in some hotel room bed, beige walls, strange abstract art, taupe bedspread. And now she did feel like messing with him just a little.

"Castle. Don't be starting without me."

He gasped and choked on another laugh; she grinned widely and rolled onto her back, watching the sunlight shift as it filtered off the leaves and plants growing along her terrace garden.

"That was evil, Beckett. I need to get some actual sleep here. Fantasizing about you will only make me restless."

She bit her lip and softened. "Okay, Rick. Say good night."

"I don't wanna."

"Faster you go to sleep, the sooner it's morning. The sooner you get out of there. And come home to me."

He sighed softly on the other end; she felt it like a stroke of his fingers down the side of her face, leaned her cheek into the phantom touch.

"Kate," he murmured.

"I love you," she whispered, cracking first, unable to help herself, wanting him and needing him and so tired of not having him. A handful of days was all they'd had, a handful of days before his UK book tour.

"Oh, Kate. I love you too."

And then she hung up, because she knew he wouldn't, because it always fell on her to be strong.

But she stayed in bed, closed her eyes to the sunlight, and imagined it was dark as night, imagined that the susurration of cars outside her window was actually his soft breathing in her ear.

And she found she could believe it.


	2. Chapter 2

**So Little Time**

* * *

><p>Castle woke at five and hopped in the shower, scrubbed briskly at his scalp with shampoo to wake himself up. He'd spent an hour or so lying in bed thinking about her, just making up stories like a lovesick idiot, and then finally gotten a few hours of sleep.<p>

He jumped out, toweled off, yawned widely, and blinked at himself in the bathroom mirror.

Oh. Kate. He could call. She'd be up still - it was that ungodly early.

He slipped on boxers and dress pants, ran the electric razor over his face as quickly as possible, then searched for a clean white undershirt. Once that was on, he pulled the cuffs of his french blue dress shirt over his wrists and left it open, unbuttoned, as he found his phone.

He called her, bouncing on his toes with excitement, finger-combing his hair as he looked in the mirror. She answered with a laugh, rustling on the other end.

"Early, isn't it?"

"Around five," he answered. "I wanted to say good-night."

"Mm."

"Where are you? Sounds - different."

She chuckled over the line and he heard the same strange noises again, her breathlessness. "I'm getting mauled by your dog, Castle. Alexis couldn't get back in time."

"She's okay?" Mauled by his dog. He was suddenly insanely jealous of the beast.

"She's fine. She just didn't want to drive back to the loft this late. So I'm letting your dog out, keeping him company. I think he's lonely."

Oh yeah, she missed him. "Yeah? I'm sure he appreciates it. So you're at my loft?"

"Mm-hm."

"That's sexy," he whispered, staring at his own reflection in the mirror, wondering how in the world he'd ever gotten this lucky.

"It's sexy?" she laughed, and it echoed in his ear. "I'm covered in dog hair and slobber."

"I got a non-shedding breed! Just for you. Or well, a mutt with some non-shedding in him. He sheds very little."

There was a soft silence where he realized he'd said a whole heck of a lot. A lot more than he'd meant to reveal this early on, when things were so fragile, and since - timeline-wise - he'd gotten the dog six months ago but they hadn't been anywhere near this, so. . .

Really, he tried to guard her against a whole lot of exposure to his brand of crazy-foolish love, but she was at his apartment, loving on his dog, and so-

"Hey, Charlie says hi," Kate said. "And he says don't call him a mutt."

He laughed at that, relieved, and leaned a hip against the counter. "He is though. He needs to face facts, own it. Better that way, in the long run, for his self-esteem."

"Poor Charlie. What is he, you think?"

"The shelter wasn't sure. Part mastiff, part Great Dane, part greyhound maybe?"

"Oof. Charlie. Get off. Down. Charlie, you are not a lap dog-"

"Don't let him run all over you, Beckett. Maybe he's too much dog for you?"

"Shut it."

"Maybe you should tell him that," Castle winced, hearing Charlie's deep-throated woof over the line.

"Maybe you shouldn't talk so loudly. Charlie can hear your voice, and he misses you."

"Uh-huh." He heard her settling Charlie down again, the way her voice switched into detective mode. Even Charlie obeyed, his woof downturning into a low growl and then fading. "Mm, good job, Beckett. Gotta have a firm hand."

"By the way, Martha won't freak out if I'm here?"

"She shouldn't be coming by. She's got her own place."

"Right. Well, you said she keeps showing up-"

He laughed and checked the time. He needed to get going, finish getting dressed. Damn, this sucked. Having only her voice at the long end of the line, sometimes crackling, sometimes cutting out - it just wasn't enough.

"I miss you," he said abruptly into her conversation.

She was quiet for a moment, and then he heard her sigh. "Yeah. Ditto."

He wanted to whine and be a baby; he wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep with her on the phone in his ear, or better yet, have her in bed with him, nibbling on his ear. Yeah, that-

"Castle."

"Yeah. Sorry. I'm uh - tired."

"I bet. You need to go. Do work."

"Yeah." He did. He was having trouble cradling the phone against his shoulder and buttoning his shirt, but he really didn't want to stop talking to her, listening to her voice. "You'll sleep there tonight?"

"At your place?"

"Yeah." He knew she'd gone over to his loft because Alexis asked her to, but he also knew she missed him - he was certain of it. And if he cajoled her into staying, then she could always roll her eyes about it and gracefully acquiesce, and then fall asleep in his bed. Nothing would make him happier at this moment. "Please? My dog needs someone to cuddle with."

She groaned. "I'm not sleeping with your dog. He's a beast. He's mammoth. Sorry, Charlie. Don't get a complex, but you are huge."

He felt a smile split his face and his heart thump at the silly softness in her voice. "Who is huge?"

She choked on a laugh; he grinned wider and marked a point for himself. "Okay. I should go. I just wanted to make it fair."

"Fair?" she murmured. He could imagine her stroking Charlie behind his ears, just like the mutt loved, the dog's head turning into her hand, seeking more, and Kate unable to stop.

"You put me to bed; I'll put you to bed."

She sighed softly, a luxurious and sweet thing that wrapped around him. "You're putting me to bed now?"

"Yeah. But hurry. I've got to grab something to eat before the handler gets here," he said, shoulders slumping. He didn't want go, didn't want to be here, wanted to be there.

"Wait," she said gently, her breath quickening. "Wait a second. Charlie, here. Come."

What was she doing?

He waited, listening intently to the sounds on her side of the ocean, the clicking of the dog's toenails on the hardwood, the shuffle of her steps, the flap of material-

"Okay," she said. "Me and Charlie are in bed. Even though it's obscene, really, since I slept so long today, and it's only-"

"Hush. Don't ruin it for me."

She hummed and he could hear her rustling in the sheets. "Oh jeez, Castle. Your dog takes up more room than you do."

He laughed at that, heard the desperate edge in his humor, and sank down to the bathroom floor, eyes closed, imagining her. That dark hair over the grey Egyptian cotton, the fall of her lashes, the shadows over her collarbones. "I love you, Kate. God, I wish I was there."

"Don't make me as weepy and girly as you," she groaned. "Seriously. Come on. Not cool, Castle."

He laughed again, his chest easing slightly. "Well, you didn't sing me a lullaby, so you don't get one either."

"Hmm."

"But before I go - will you be online later today?"

"You mean tomorrow?"

"It's already tomorrow."

"Oh, look at that, Castle. You're living a science fiction novel. You must be giddy."

He grinned. Damn, he loved this woman. She was good. She was really, seriously good. "Mm, back on track, Kate."

"I don't know, Rick. I do have to go in to work tomorrow. And since I missed a day . . . I don't know how late I'll get in. I might miss you."

"Oh. Yeah, okay." He might miss her too. Castle leaned his head back against the wall, took a deep breath, tried not to be too disappointed. "Close your eyes, Kate."

He heard her soft sigh in response, then that sleepy, low voice. "Closed."

"If I were there-"

"I wish you were."

"Hush," he murmured. "If I were there, I'd lean over the bed and kiss your eyelids, Kate. One at a time. That soft skin."

He heard her hitched breath, could almost feel her hand lift from the mattress and curl around his neck to keep him there.

"Then your cheekbone, the corner of your mouth."

She gave a noise, something he'd heard only a few times, over a handful of encounters in the darkness of his loft, the afternoon light of her bedroom, the candlelight around her bathtub.

"I love you, Kate. I love you. Until tomorrow."

And he hung up before he made _himself_ any more weepy and girly.


	3. Chapter 3

**So Little Time**

* * *

><p>Kate scrubbed a hand through her hair and shoved the door open with her hip. She slid the key out of the lock and dropped her bag in the hall, not even caring. Her chest was tight; it'd been a long time since the bullet wound had flared up like this.<p>

Push through, Kate. It's not really there.

Kicking her shoes off, slamming the door shut behind her, Kate leaned against it, closing her eyes for a moment. Her fingers fumbled with the lock automatically, then the deadbolt, and she felt - safer.

Alexis had said Kate didn't need to come by, she knew how Beckett hated the dog hair (but that was a inside joke, not the truth, she wanted to say), and so it was just Kate. Alone in her apartment.

And damn, this had been a terrible day.

She bit the inside of her cheek and forced herself away from the door, heading into her office as she shed her suit jacket. She found a rubberband on the desk and pulled her hair up, tugged her socks off, and then sank into her office chair.

Putting her knee up and resting her chin on top, Kate turned on her computer, pulling out her phone while she waited for it to load. She had messages from the OCME's office, another message from Gates (what, the tongue lashing hadn't been enough?), and more emails from the boys. Nothing more from Castle.

She'd gotten home too late to talk with him. It would be three in the morning. All she'd wanted to do today was close her case early, or at least get to a good stopping point, and go home so she could talk to him.

She could really, really use some Castle right about now.

Kate cleared her throat and squeezed the bridge of her nose, tried to breathe through the ache in her chest, her sternum feeling bruised.

The computer came on and she called up her email, not really looking, then started tugging off her dress shirt. The cami on underneath smelled of stale sweat and the last of her deodorant, but at least her arms and shoulders were free. It was warm in the apartment.

She checked her phone again, and she realized she hadn't even gotten a message from him saying he'd arrived in London. She pressed her lip against her teeth with her thumb and stared at the little screen of her phone-

A flash from her computer caught her eye. She glanced up, phone resting on her knee, and saw the chat window pop up within her email.

Her dad. She smiled to herself and messaged him back. He asked about work and she tried to skip over that, asked him instead about his boat.

She heard her phone on the desk vibrate at the same time that she realized that the list of her contacts who were now online had grown by exactly one name.

She stared at it, clicked on his name, and typed:

_Are you online right now?_

After a long moment of nothing in return, her hand hesitating over her phone, she asked again:

_Please say you're on._

Just when she was about to click it off, a message popped up.

_I waited up for you. I just tried to call; your phone not nearby?_

Kate grabbed her phone, cursed herself when she realized it was on vibrate, that _that_ had been what she'd missed and not another message from Gates.

She called him back immediately.

When he answered with that rough, sleep-deprived voice, her body slumped back in the chair, her cheek resting against her knee.

"Castle," she murmured. God, she needed this.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Crappy day. You got to London okay?"

"My flight was only an hour. No problems. But back to you."

"I don't want to talk about me," she said in a rush, and got up from the computer to pace. "More you."

He laughed softly, and she could practically see where he was - a London motel room, the deepest part of the night, writing on his laptop as he waited for her to get home. She ached, she ached. It wasn't fair at all.

"Well," he drawled out. "I'm writing Nikki Heat."

"Cause you miss me," she tried to tease, but it wasn't a tease, it was just solid reality now. No point in hiding it when she felt like this.

"Cause I miss you."

"What's Nikki doing?"

"Having sex with Rook."

She startled out a laugh and pressed her lips together to contain the sound, pacing back to the windows of her living room. "Oh really?"

"Really. Want me to read it to you?"

"Oh, jeez. I don't think I could survive that right now."

He laughed again, rich and warm and a little dangerous, and when she heard his voice come back, the beginning of a new sentence, she stopped him before he could even say it.

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare tease me. Not tonight."

He was silent and she realized she was shaking. Kate ran her hand through her hair and sighed into the phone.

"I - I don't want to be here," she said finally, and bit her bottom lip because she might cry and that was simply ridiculous.

"Where do you want to be?"

"Mostly with you, but I think the universe is conspiring against us, so I'll settle for anywhere but here."

She heard his breathing silence on the other end and knew she'd said too much, more than she'd said ever to him. But the quiet didn't sound shocked or distant, mainly just sad.

"So what hotel are you at?" she said quickly, changing the subject and putting her back to the windows. She strode to the couch and sank into it.

"The Savoy."

"Wow. Fancy."

"Ha, well. I'm paying for the upgrade myself. London's my last stop; I'll be here for a week, so I wanted to be comfortable."

"What's it like?" she asked, closing her eyes and ready for a picture. "Tell me about it."

"Well," he started slowly. "The whole room is Edwardian in style."

"Not a suite?" she said tartly, remembering LA, remembering that time in Chicago-

He laughed. "Not here. The single rooms are massive enough. The windows overlook London."

"Is it foggy? Was it, I mean."

"No, but it was overcast all day. Didn't see a hint of sunlight, but that seemed appropriate for my mood."

"Oh?"

"I missed you all day. I miss you right now."

Her heart clenched and she sank down into the couch, laid her head back on the armrest. "Miss you too."

There was a strange silence after that, as if he was surprised or maybe just soaking it in (she didn't often let herself give in to the _pining_, as he put it). And then she heard the rumble of his chest, throat clearing, and she had the storyteller back.

"Miller Harris amenities in the marble bathroom, a huge showerhead. Gorgeous tub. You'd love it."

She'd love it.

"Yeah."

"There's a writing desk against the far wall. That's where I am now, sitting at the desk."

"Were you really writing?"

"Yeah."

"You would've been up anyway, then?"

"No."

She bit her lip and knew she was smiling, knew it was ridiculous, and yet she didn't stop. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. But let's not talk about what I was writing-"

She laughed and pulled the afghan off the back of the couch, curled up under it. "Good point. So. The room. Edwardian?"

"Oh yeah, the comforter is mustard yellow, which sounds terrible, I know, but it's in yellow-patterned vines or leaves or something. Hm. How would I describe that?"

She could imagine him turning to look at the bed, tilting his head, one eye crinkled up as he studied it.

"Damask?" he guessed. "No. Not quite. Man, I'm even googling it and I can't find anything. Just a bunch of dress patterns for costumes."

She laughed at that, could picture him on his laptop too, comparing the image search results with the bedspread in front of him. "Castle, have you even tried the bed?"

"Not yet. Why? You wanna try it with me?"

She wanted - oh, she wanted so much she wasn't allowed to have. "Are you getting in bed then?"

"Yeah. I was just waiting on you."

She closed her eyes and burrowed deeper into the blanket. "You sound tired."

"Yeah. Little bit." She heard him grunt as he shifted, probably from the chair to a standing position. She'd seen and heard him do that before, gather himself together to get up. Usually when they'd been at the precinct too long.

"Go to bed then, Castle."

"Not yet."

"You've been up a long time. Five a.m. roll call and now-"

"But you still - you still sound . . ." _Sad._

But he trails off before he can say it, and she knows he's trying not to rock the boat. She's still not the person she wanted to be when they started this, but he's patient and careful. Even now. And that makes her sad too.

"Go to bed, Rick. I'll stay on the line until you fall asleep."

"Kate." She hears him give up with a sigh, the rustle of sheets and a comforter that might be mustard yellow damask.

She hears the heaviness on his end though too. And she doesn't want to ruin his sleep just because she's had a bad day at work. But how does she fix-?

Oh.

By telling him. That's . . . what people do, right? They share their burdens. She still can't fathom how that would help right now, but he asked, and he wasn't like this before she told him _no, no I don't want to share_. Like a selfish child.

"Kate?"

"Gates reamed me out in front of my team this morning," she said quietly.

He was silent for a long time, and she opened her eyes in the relative light of her apartment.

"Castle?"

"Can I hate her? Because I hate her."

She found she was smiling, stupidly, like Castle having her back meant something when he was three thousand four hundred and sixty miles away.

"You can hate her quietly. So long as you don't make her kick you out." Because Gates had just cause now, didn't she?

He laughed back. "Why'd she ream you out?"

"Nitpicky stuff. Filling out paperwork. Ryan wasn't up-to-date on his first aid training."

"Paperwork?"

She wouldn't tell him that she'd cut corners once or twice, just to get home in time to talk with him. "Triplicates. There're times certain things are due. Or it gets kicked out of the system if you don't check the right boxes. Bullshit stuff."

"She yelled at you in front of Ryan and Esposito?"

"No," she said, clenching her jaw. "In front of everyone in the bullpen."

"I want to hate her loudly now."

She smiled again, buried her face in the blanket. It was better this way, sharing. It was better.

"Castle?"

"Yeah." He sounded disgruntled, but there was humor behind it, a sense of relief.

She turned on her back and studied the ceiling, seeing for the first time how they fit together, how it worked. And he'd known that for a long time.

"Castle . . . thank you."

"For what?"

"Waiting for me."

"I'm gonna be crazy tired tomorrow, but it was worth it."

She laughed and closed her eyes, wriggled deeper into the couch cushions, tugging the blanket up to her neck.

"Oh," he said softly, apparently just getting it. "Oh. Well. Kate?"

"Mm?"

"No matter what, you were worth the wait."


	4. Chapter 4

**So Little Time**

* * *

><p>She answered without looking, phone pressed to her ear by her shoulder, both hands subduing their suspect.<p>

"Beckett."

"That sounds hot. Wait. What are you doing?"

She grunted and jerked the man's hands back, cuffing him finally, and shoved him off. Esposito and Ryan both had weapons drawn, but Ryan holstered his and took their guy from her.

Beckett walked away a few paces, got her breathing back under control. "Cuffing a guy."

"Darn. I thought we'd do that together."

She laughed, pushing the hair out of her eyes. "I don't have much time. What's up?"

"Just wanted to say hi. What time's it?"

"Late lunch time. Had to get this guy first, but now we'll go grab burritos from-"

"Sal's?" he gasped. "Noooo. That's so cruel. I'm on a steady diet of fish and chips over here."

"Better not be that steady," she snorted.

"Hey now."

"Rugged, Castle, not lumpy."

"You are seriously mean today." But the whine in his voice was endearing and silly, not hurt, and she felt a surge of pride that she even knew that. She knew more about him from the last five weeks' phone calls than she did seeing him face to face for the last few years.

She took a breath and plunged into it. "Yeah, but you have a tendency to be just as bad about food as I am. So don't eat crap for six weeks and then-"

"Expect you to take me back? Harsh. Way harsh."

"Not what I was going to say," she laughed, swinging around to check on the boys. Esposito had the guy in the back of their car, reading him his rights.

"Hm, I'm interested to hear how you were gonna dig yourself out of that one."

"I was going to say, 'And then expect to come back here and harrass me about what I eat.' Nothing more. Wow, you are so girly."

"I know, it's a curse."

"It's something."

"Still. Sal's burritos. I'm starving."

"What time's it there?"

"Dinner time."

"I bet you've got great food at the Savoy." She nodded at Ryan and the two got in their car and set off. She had lunch run for the three of them, but she didn't want to drive and talk, so she leaned against the wall of the warehouse, watched the boys head back to the precinct.

"Yeah, it is great food. But."

_You're not here._

She really wanted to keep this upbeat. She had another six hours of work ahead of her, if she was lucky, and she wanted to maintain her suspect-collaring high.

"Okay, so dinner time. Eat some veggies, have a sinfully good steak, red wine-"

"That sounds awesome," he drawled. "I'm so letting you pick out my meals from now on."

"Shut up," she said, rolling her eyes at the sarcasm in his voice.

"You're rolling your eyes."

"Shut _up,_" she laughed, pressing her lips together to keep from grinning. Grinning. Like a fool.

"Will you cut up my steak too?"

"Castle," she huffed.

"And then feed me each bite?"

"Richard Castle."

"Ooh, pulling out both names. I'm in trouble."

She laughed at that. "No. You're not in real trouble until I use your middle name."

"Yeah, I got that from my mother too. I'm sure you'll do that to our k-"

She sucked in a breath, but he stopped, he stopped. He didn't say it.

This was so very not the time for that conversation. It might never be the time for that conversation. And she needed, _needed_, to see his face if they ever had that conversation, and it wasn't fair. This just wasn't fair.

But no. No more. She was having a good day.

"Castle?"

"Yeah," he said, and she could hear him bracing for impact.

"Later. Okay? Just. . ."

"Yeah." A long sigh - relief and not disappointment - which made her shoulders ease but also her heart stutter. Stupid. Go get food, Beckett. It's just low blood sugar.

"I've got to go. Gates will want me to call in the food run, and the boys have already left."

"Sure. I understand. Love you, Kate."

That wasn't low blood sugar. That was him. Just all him.

* * *

><p>He never did get a chance to talk to her that day - or her day - so when she called him at ten in the morning, he answered.<p>

He held a finger up as he stood up from the conference table. "I don't mean to be rude. But it's the NYPD. I have to take this."

He maneuvered his way past the rolling, leather chairs and around the far end of the conference table to the door. He stepped outside and finally breathed, the phone pressed against his ear.

"You did not," she said.

"What? It's true. And I didn't get to talk to you all night. But I couldn't stay up late; I had a photo shoot at six-"

"Oh, really?" she laughed, and he could hear the smirk in her voice. "Hot models hanging all over you?"

"If I say yes, do I lose your respect?"

She laughed again, but he could hear that she was restless, that she had things to say and the chit-chat was getting in the way.

"What are you doing up? It's five in the morning over there."

"Oh. Yeah. I got called to a body dump in New Jersey."

"What? That's not your jurisdiction."

"Special assignment. Gates again."

"Sorry." He winced and glanced back through the clear glass to the conference room. They were all staring at him, some bemused, most not. He took a few steps down the hallway. "All right. Spill it."

"Five bodies. Swamp area along-"

"No, Kate," he grinned. "Whatever it is you really called for."

"I couldn't sleep last night."

He thought he might know why. His fault.

"I checked my email a few times, but I knew you weren't going to be online."

"You should've just called."

"And woken you up? This could wait. It should wait. You just interrupted something to talk to me-?"

"Small thing. No big deal." Licensing rights for UK branding. Big deal, but he would never put Kate on hold to deal with business.

"I thought all night. Couldn't turn it off." She sighed over the line and he heard city noises, muted but evident. She was driving to New Jersey then.

"Kate?"

"Now that it's out there. I can't - I just don't know what kind of person - what kind of mom-"

"No." He shook his head and closed his eyes tightly. "No, Kate."

"What if-"

"Stop. We are not talking about this."

She was silent now, not the good kind of silent where she was thinking through things and coming to a more rational conclusion, but the stubborn kind.

"Kate," he said, pitching his voice lower, trying to inject some strength into it he really didn't feel. "Not now. Later. Don't do this now."

She took in a long breath, still not saying anything, and he knew he had to fill that silence with words. He had to talk her out of her own head.

"There are a lot of things - a lot of things - we aren't saying. And we shouldn't. Because this is still - it's still new, and it needs looking after. A week, a handful of days, Kate. That's all we got."

He had to stop and lean against the wall in the hallway, rub his hand down his face to gather himself again.

"That's not long enough for this. And I know - I understand - we know each other so well, we've been partners for so long, that it feels like we should be saying this stuff. A long time ago. I know."

"Yes," she breathed out, her voice faint.

"But not now. We're not doing it like this. Where I can't even see your face."

"Right," she said, a little stronger. And then a sigh. "Needs looking after?"

"Yeah. Watering. Sunlight."

"Only one of which are my plants getting right now."

"Sun?"

She made a noise of derision, irritation, that felt a little strong for this sudden switch to botany, but then he heard her muttering under her breath about inept drivers, and he grinned again, relaxed.

"No, actually, we have a major thunderstorm going on right now. The plants are finally getting watered."

"And you're talking to me on your cell phone?" He growled at her. "Beckett. Hang up and drive."

"I'm fine-"

"But I won't be if I have to listen to you crash-"

"I'm not going to crash. Jeez, don't be-"

"I'm a father. You're worrying my fatherly-"

"Oh."

And then he got it, _stupid_, what he said, _stupid_, and leaned his head back. "Arg. Kate. Not now. Stop thinking; turn it off. Tell me about the case in Jersey."

"Bodies. In the swampy part along the river. I - I should hang up."

"Yes, you should, but promise me you drop this."

"Castle."

"Promise me. We think about this together. We do talk about this together, in person, not when I'm out of the country."

"I can promise one but not the other."

Damn, and now the phantoms of dreams hovered on the edges of his vision as well, pictures, scenes that were so strong he felt the itch in his blood, the flex of his fingers to write, to write-

"You're thinking about it too."

"Damn. Yes. Your fault."

"I believe this was your fault."

"It was just - it was-" He sighed, gave up. "Okay, so think about it, fine. I won't stop you from thinking. Just don't think it all the way through without me?"

"Oh, I'm pretty sure you'd have to be there for that part."

"Oh God," he gasped. "Detective Beckett. Did you just make a joke about this?"

There was a hum, and suddenly he could actually hear the raindrops slamming into the roof of her Crown Vic, hard as golf balls.

"I believe I did," she said, rather distractedly. "Look, Castle. Sorry. I'm gonna have to let you go. I need to concentrate. It's like a monsoon."

"Pull over."

"Trust you to provide a whole new meaning to backseat driver."

"Fine. Ignore my sage advice."

"Go back to whatever I interrupted. I really do need to go."

"Yeah. Good-"

"Bye."

He turned back to the glass windows that looked into the conference room, wanted to be miles and miles and an ocean away from here.

Wanted to have a conversation with Kate Beckett about middle names and how being a detective might work around it and how being a writer was perfect for staying at home and how-

He'd told her not to think, but he knew she would. Just as he was doing.

He needed to get back home.

He needed to stop all this UK stuff and get the hell back to Kate.


	5. Chapter 5

**So Little Time**

* * *

><p>She was stupid. She was stupid and this was not a good idea.<p>

Gates was already so very-

Kate stepped up in line, tapping her ID against her leg. Screw Gates.

This was already done, had been done the moment she was sent to New-freakin'-Jersey for a case she didn't even have jurisdiction over just on the off chance that one of the bodies the dogs found would be a New York City resident.

None of them were, of course. Though, to be fair, the team hadn't finished excavating the site. But Kate Beckett was done. Finished.

So she'd handed it off to Esposito, who glared at her, and then walked in and asked for her personal days.

And now she was buying a plane ticket to Heathrow.

The ticket agent was brisk with her, and even as a cop, Beckett was made to feel like a criminal going through the metal detector. Latent insecurity on her part; thousands of dollars in therapy told her as much.

Still didn't make this any easier. She wheeled her luggage behind her as she headed for the terminal train; she was flying British Airways out of Terminal 7. Her palms were sweating as she stood waiting with a group of passengers.

Her phone rang.

Beckett fumbled for it, saw his face on the screen, nearly dropped it.

Shit.

"Yeah. Beckett."

He gave a quiet laugh. "I hope so. That's who I called."

"What's going on, Castle?"

"Nothing. Just - wondering how you were. Thinking about you."

Her anxiety loosened; she took a breath. "I'm good."

"What's the case look like?"

"The ca-? Oh." She almost said, _I dumped it on Javi._ "I - it's - no residents yet."

"So you're the liaison then. Between the NYPD and the New Jersey police. Oh, and you said the FBI had a guy there too?"

"Agent Patel. Yeah." She worried her bottom lip with her teeth and checked the time display. Terminal train due to arrive in four minutes. He'd hear that, for sure, and he'd ask, and she wanted to surprise him. Wanted it to be a good surprise.

"As much as I loudly hate Gates, this is kind of an honor, isn't it? Putting you as point on this. Testing your diplomatic skills. Oh, and it sounds huge. Serial killer huge. Right? Make a name for yourself outside the city limits."

Oh shit. Was that what it was?

"I - I guess. I hadn't thought of it like that."

"If they do find a body that can be ID'd as a New Yorker, then that's you, right? You'd have to be in on the case. That's so cool. I'd want in on that."

She huffed a laugh and glanced again to the digital display. Three minutes.

"Yeah. If there's a resident of the city, or the state even, the NYPD would get a chance to ride along." But not her. Not her, because it would be Esposito doing it. She had conveniently left that out.

"Awesome."

Overhead, the public address system screeched and clicked on, a man's soothing voice reminding them to never leave personal belongings unattended.

"What's that?"

"What?" she asked, and jeez. When did he make her into such a terrible liar? It was no longer effortless. Her very voice cracked. "What - uh - what are you doing right now, Castle?"

"Oh. Just. You know. Travel stuff."

Soon. The end of the week. Wait. Soon? She grinned to herself. Today. Or well, in roughly seven hours. Which might be his tomorrow by that point. Oh, she hadn't thought of that. She'd show up at the Savoy and have to call upstairs to him, wake him up at three in the morning.

Worth it. Totally worth it.

Train approaching, the display flashed.

"Hey, Castle? I gotta go."

"Huh, yeah me too, actually. Okay, see you soon."

"What?" She froze. Had he heard - the damn PA system - and then there were all these people-

"I mean, the end of the week fast approaches. Remember when the first night? When there were still six weeks stretched ahead of us?"

Oh. She bit her lip, glanced down to see the train - as promised - approaching the platform. "Yeah. That was miserable. You're right. That's all we need to say now. See you soon."

She hung up before the train could rush in, smiled widely to herself.

She would, actually. She'd be seeing him very soon.

* * *

><p>It took him a moment, dragged out of a heavy sleep, the rush of white noise and the drag of a forward movement that he couldn't consciously feel. He glanced up at the intrusion that had woken him and shook his head, declining the offer.<p>

Castle pulled his laptop from under his seat and opened it, connected to the free wi-fi. Alexis was online.

He grinned and messaged. _Hey, sweetheart._

_hey Dad. so glad you got online. I can't reach Kate._

"I just talked to her." He frowned and shifted in his seat, embarrassed to find himself talking out loud. He typed it in instead and waited.

_phone goes straight to voicemail. went over to her apartment. didn't answer the door._

The lack of capitalization bothered him just slightly, but he ignored it. He'd asked Alexis to do him a favor; she was trying her best. And of course, Castle had a copy of Kate's apartment key on his key ring, but it was with him and not there in New York.

_All right. Maybe at the precinct. Had a pretty big case. It'll be fine._

His daughter said good-bye and signed off; he shut his laptop and rubbed at his eyes. Okay, so things weren't going as he planned. That was fine. He was flexible. He was a guy who could think on his feet.

"More scotch, sir?"

He glanced up, waved the flight attendant off again. "I'm fine." The alcohol was supposed to make him sleepy, but his sleep had been fitful.

He'd be jet-lagged, but he didn't care one bit. He was too excited to sleep.

Kate. Soon.

Very soon.

* * *

><p>She forgot to turn her phone back on when she landed.<p>

Beckett went through Customs fairly easily, but the lines for Immigration were long and the agents looked hassled. Five other international flights had landed at the same time as her own, and the area was flooded with non-natives.

It took an hour to get to baggage claim and then out to the taxis queuing up. Only when she was ensconced in one, mentally tallying the price, did she realize her phone was in the zippered pocket of her suitcase.

She pulled it out and turned it on, cradling it in her lap as she watched London streets outside the window. Fog had greeted her arrival, and with it a grimy rain that misted over the windshield. She pressed her fingers to the glass, watched everything pass through the interruption of her own skin, like a ghost.

Her phone rang startingly loud in the small cab; she glanced down and answered it, breathless.

"Where are you?" he said without preamble.

She hesitated, realized how late it was for him - how early - and wondered why he was up.

"Why are you awake?" she asked in return.

"Because where I am now, I'm supposed to be."

She frowned, rubbed her cold fingers against her forehead. "I don't know what you mean-"

"I mean, Kate, that I'm-" He sighed and then laughed, blew out a long breath, and she could feel equal parts irritation and love coming across the line.

"What?"

"Tell me where you are. A cab now? Your phone has been off for hours."

Oh, damn. Right. She'd forgotten that he might try to call her while she was in the air. "Yeah. It has. I-"

"In London."

She sighed, but her lips twitched. "I was going to surprise you."

"Oh yeah? Cause, guess what?"

She leaned her forehead against the glass and knew. Knew. "You're in New York, aren't you?"

"Uh-huh."

"Damn it."

"Oh, I said much worse."

She laughed at that, more groan than amusement, and closed her eyes. "So very not fair."

"You had a case. What happened to that?"

"I gave it to Esposito."

"Kate," he said and let out a sigh that split her heart.

For a moment, the distance between them seemed uncrossable, gaping, a chasm that would never be bridged in her lifetime. She wasn't who she needed to be, she wasn't getting there fast enough, she couldn't even have a normal conversation with him without-

"Turn around, Kate."

"What?"

"Are you at the Savoy yet?"

"No. In the cab."

"Turn around. Go back to the airport."

"But - oh."

"Turn around and come back home."

Her heart pounded, but she lowered her phone, pressed it to her ragged chest, and then leaned forward to talk to the cab driver.

"Can you turn around? I have to go back to the airport."

"If you've left your luggage, they'll-"

"No. No I didn't leave my luggage. I left-"

Everything else.

"Just. I need to go back. Can you-"

"Of course. I'll take you right back."

Kate lifted her phone to her ear, took a breath.

"Kate?"

"He's turning around."

"Seven more hours."

"Don't remind me."

"I can't believe you just jumped on a plane and-"

"I can't believe you cut your book tour early-"

"Kate."

"Yeah. Ok. I can believe it."

He laughed, genuinely this time, and she was suddenly so disappointed, so very disappointed that she could just-

"Kate. As crazy as you are, I love you."

She took a breath, opened her eyes to the city she was leaving. "Thanks. I needed that."


	6. Chapter 6

**So Little Time**

* * *

><p>Castle pressed his phone to his ear and opened his laptop.<p>

"I'll buy your ticket back. Jeez. Did you even have money to get out there?"

"Castle, no. The ticket I have is roundtrip-"

"But there'll be a penalty for changing the date. And you were in coach, weren't you?"

She grunted on the other end.

"Uh-huh. Coach for seven hours is cruel and unusual punishment, Beckett. Especially back to back."

"Oh, God. I can't do another seven hours. Why aren't you here?"

He laughed at the absolute irritation in her voice, glad to hear that instead of the desolate woman who'd asked him that same question only minutes ago. Irritation was good; it was strong. Desolation was hopelessness.

"I'm where I should be, should've been this whole time. So just let me buy your plane ticket back."

"You're doing it right now, aren't you?" she huffed.

"I am." He was clicking through the online submission form so fast that he wasn't sure he was getting everything right. "The next flight out is - uh - oh, damn."

"What?" she said, and he heard the hitch in her voice.

"Not for another two hours. Six a.m., Kate. That's the first flight back to the States."

"Oh no," she groaned. "Castle. This is all your fault."

"How is this my fault?"

"You kept insinuating."

"Insinuating what?"

"How much I'd like the food. The bed. The room."

"I missed you! It's all I thought about." He clicked the six a.m. flight and typed in her name as it was supposed to appear on the ticket, then paused. "Uh. Katherine on your ID or Kate?"

She hummed, something growly and put out. "Katherine."

"Even when you're angry, you're seriously hot."

"Shut up, Castle. I still think this is your fault. Dropping hints."

"I wasn't purposefully dropping hints." He put in his credit card information and turned at a noise behind him. Alexis was clomping down the stairs in some knee high boots, short skirt, lots of make-up. "Where are you going?"

From the phone: "I'm going home."

"No, no, not you Kate." He lifted his mouth from the receiver and frowned at his daughter. "Where are you going dressed like-"

"Like what?" she said slowly, her eyes daggers.

Ah. Right. She wasn't in high school any longer. She didn't even have to really stay with him this weekend, but she'd been taking care of his dog and running his errands.

"Castle, leave Alexis alone. She's not 15!"

He narrowed his eyes at his phone, his daughter, heard Alexis laugh.

"She told you to let it go, didn't she?" Alexis walked forward and dropped a kiss to his cheek. Her shirt was v-neck and no - no - not acceptable! "Thanks, Kate," she called into the phone.

"Be good, Rick," he heard in his ear. How could she know how he was spluttering, gaping, freaking out a little over his daughter's maturity?

He sighed. He let it go. He was good.

When the door shut after her, Castle grumbled into his phone as he finished the transaction online. "You are leading my daughter astray."

"I am not. You did that long ago."

"Ha. Oh. That was a good one. You didn't see what she was wearing-"

"Anything like what I was wearing in that photo of me on my Harley?"

Oh God. He closed his eyes. Saw it. So vividly. Every detail. She'd sent it to him, when was that? - two weeks into his book tour. He'd nearly gotten on a plane right then. Castle gulped. "No, thank God. Oh, but that was cruel, planting that image in my head when the next flight isn't until six, and then it's seven hours after that, and traveling time home-"

"You deserved it. It's your fault I'm a whole continent away."

"I got your ticket. I'm gonna text you my credit card number so you can do the automated check-in thing."

"I don't need that. Just the name on the card."

"Oh, well. Actually, it's under Richard Rodgers."

She laughed at that. "Of course it is. Playing at secret spy, were you?"

"Sometimes," he smirked. "Hey, since you have two hours, can we talk?"

"Aren't we talking now? Oh wait a sec. I have to pay the guy."

"You're there already?"

"Back at Heathrow? Yeah, Castle, I didn't get very far."

"Okay, I'll hang up then and let you get through line and stuff. Call when-"

"I will," she interrupted, and he heard something soft and fragile in her voice that he liked. He liked it a lot. Something just for him. "And we can talk."

"Love you." He heard a quick breath from her then, and he was about to hang up when he heard her speak.

"I do love you. More - more all the time."

And then she ended the call.

* * *

><p>Kate sank down into the floor and leaned against the wall at her gate - which, of course, might very well change in the next two hours - and tilted her head back, closing her eyes.<p>

She took a breath, a long one, tried to cleanse herself of the riot of feelings - disappointment, loneliness, grief, need, excitement. They didn't want to leave her though. None of them. And everything she tried, all the tricks, all her therapist's techniques, didn't work.

So she called him instead.

"Hey," he said immediately, his voice soft.

Everything stilled in her head, went quiet; her heart flew unsteadily out towards him. "Hey."

"At the gate?"

"Mm-hm." She took another long breath, tried not to curl in on herself, told herself it was only nine more hours, ten at the most, and she could do this. She'd survived almost six weeks.

"We'll make it," he said, like he knew. And of course he did. He probably felt worse than she did, after all this time. He was the one who'd been waiting, not her.

"Waiting sucks," she moaned, closing her eyes again. "I am so sorry I made you wait."

She heard his breath against the phone in a rush, realized what she was admitting to, didn't even care. How could she care? She just wanted to be there, not here. Or him here. Something.

"I think this is worse," he said finally.

"Why's that?"

"Because I know."

She stayed silent, waiting for him to explain, and of course, he rushed in to fill the void.

"Because I know what I'm missing."

She couldn't help the grin that split her face, the heat flaring in her chest and spreading out, down her legs to her toes. "Yeah."

"I - I've had so little time with you, Kate. I hate wasting a moment of it."

"It's not wasted," she said, pulling her legs up and leaning her side against the wall, imagining him so clearly in her mind's eye she could almost picture the sorrowful look on his face. "I don't think this summer was wasted."

"But I wasn't with you."

Her heart overflowed. "But you were. For the first time in - since we met. You were with me this summer."

He was silent for a long time and she wondered if she'd said it wrong, if that had been okay to talk about, if maybe she should explain.

"Castle. It wasn't a waste. I'm not good at this. At talking and being together, really together, but this - this let me be safe."

"I don't understand," he said quietly.

"We talked every day. Almost. Sometimes twice. You emailed me that one day in June every minute and a half. Do you remember that?"

He laughed on the other end, gave her a little snort of amusement. "Uh, yeah. You bet me I couldn't keep it up all day."

"Mm," she murmured, smiling to herself. "That is an entirely different bet."

"Oh, jeez. You're evil. Don't even tease."

"The moment I get back-"

"Oh yeah," he growled.

She closed her eyes on a grin, delighted, predatory, beaming.

"Stop smiling so loudly, Beckett. And stop picturing it."

She laughed, because she had been, of course she was, and bit her bottom lip, straightened up against the wall. "Back to the serious conversation I was trying to have with you-"

"Which you, yourself, derailed with your dirty mind. Which I love."

She grinned again, eyes open, trained her gaze on the people drifting in and out of chairs, through the gate, out along the terminal. "I derailed it, I admit that. But it's been - different. To call, and text, and email. And skype. And chat. I can say things, be honest. And not have to see your face."

"That doesn't exactly sound promising."

She shook her head. "No. It's just easier. This is the new part, like you said. But instead of spending the past six weeks in bed with you and freaking out about how much I was practically living with you-"

"That's too bad," he interrupted.

She grinned again, kept going. "Instead. Instead I made excuses to break into your loft and take care of your dog. Instead I called you in the middle of the night, and I said what I felt, and we shared things - the hard things - and I somehow evolved into the kind of person who can do this."

"You did?" he murmured. "You - you think it helped our relationship?"

"I think it made me stronger. About you. About how - how I love you."

He was silent, and breathing, and she heard the stunned, beautiful, joyous amazement in that breathing silence.

"Kate," he got out finally. "Oh. How I love you too."

* * *

><p>This time, she turned her phone on the moment the plane pulled up to the gate.<p>

She had a text waiting.

_Come home. _

And the thing was, she knew where he meant.

She knew where she wanted to be.


	7. Chapter 7

**So Little Time**

* * *

><p>He hadn't wanted to miss her at the airport. With their luck, it would've happened. He'd go to baggage claim to look for her and she would head out to ground transportation looking for a taxi. Miss each other again.<p>

Castle waited for her at home, the place empty but for the dog, both of them restless and prowling, room to room. He took the dog out for a walk, came back inside and unhooked the leash, dropped it on the couch. Charlie butted his thigh and followed him around again, but Castle couldn't figure out what to do while he waited.

He mainly tried to distract himself.

He heard the key in the door when he was in the study, trying to catch pennies off his elbow - he was up to a stack of twenty-eight - and the coins scattered over the wooden floor, bouncing and hitting the bookshelves, the desk, the couch. But Castle ignored them and ran for the entryway.

When the door opened, his big, dumb dog jumped her first.

Kate startled but held her own, laughed as Charlie put his paws on her shoulders and licked her neck, making Castle inanely jealous of his own dog. He strode forward and wrapped his hands around Charlie's front paws, lifted him off. Kate was still stroking the dog's ears with both hands, kissed him between the eyes as Castle moved him away.

"Come on now. The dog gets a kiss before I do?"

Kate turned to him then, the smirk on her face unable to override the joy. "Is that your huge dog, Castle, or are you just happy to see me?"

He laughed, loving it, and let go of Charlie to step into her, wrapping her up in his arms. She squeezed him back harder, even as she lifted up and pushed her mouth against his, her tongue darting out to stroke the seam of his lips.

"You're home," he sighed, opening his mouth to her.

She had him around the neck, tugging him into her, and he pressed an arm up her back, fingers cradling her head, driving them back against the door to close it.

Kate hummed into his mouth, stole his breath for another kiss, her teeth at his lower lip. She pushed off against the door, bumping his hips with her own; he groaned and gripped her tighter, lifted her up so he could trail down the side of her neck.

Her mouth was on his ear, the pant of her breath. "Missed you. Missed this-"

He grunted his agreement, sucked at the skin just above her collar, tasted salt and lotion. He grabbed her thigh, squeezed the firm muscle that flexed and hooked around his waist, then he pushed her back against the door.

She pulled her head away, eyes hazy, mouth smudged and open. He leaned in to claim her, but at that moment, his dog barreled between them, knocked him sideways with enthusiasm. Charlie had his leash in his mouth.

"Oh, damn," he groaned. Kate dropped her hands from his neck, oh so slowly, brushing down his chest as if reluctant. Or a tease. Probably both.

"Can he wait?" she murmured.

"Of course he can. He thinks any person coming through the door means a walk. Drop it, Charlie."

Kate glanced down, brushed her fingers over the dog's head. "Sorry, Charlie. I get him first."

Castle looked up at her, his chest tight with it, and reached for her hand, pressing it to his heart, slid his arm around her waist to hold her. Just - just hold her. Warm and present and breathing against him.

"I'm so glad you're here," he said.

"Finally."

He took in a long breath like a shudder, like he'd been crying and only now could catch his breath; it felt the same - a release. He pressed his lips to the warm skin of her cheek, at her ear now, gentling them both.

"I'm glad he interrupted. I want to do this right," he murmured, stroking his fingers up her sides. She shivered hard and clutched his biceps. "Kate, come to bed with me."

"Yes," she breathed and kissed him slowly.

* * *

><p>"Is it the morning after yet? Or is this more like night after morning?"<p>

"What are you mumbling about, Castle?"

She lifted her head from his pillow and watched him, ruminating aloud on his back, chest bare and appealingly wide in front of her. She uncurled an arm from under her body and slid her hand across the small space between them, touched his rib.

He jumped, a breathless laugh that piqued her interest, but he rolled onto his side and scooted in, nose almost touching hers. She felt his knee push between hers, let him slide even closer.

"Morning after. Since it was already afternoon-"

"I think it doesn't count if we've already had a morning after," she said.

"But it's been sooo long since that first time that it feels new all over again."

She lifted her eyebrow, but raised her hand to touch his cheek, brushing her fingers on his jaw. "Oh yeah? Forgot me so soon?"

"NO." He shook his head emphatically and drew an arm around her waist. "Never. Not possible-"

"I'm teasing you, Castle." She touched a light kiss to his nose, to the crease of laugh lines around his eye, lifted up a little to reach his ear, nipped it. "Don't you know what it sounds like when I'm teasing you?" she murmured, licked his skin.

He growled and wrapped both arms around her now, pulled her on top of him. "Maybe you do need to remind me. One more time."

"You want me to just tease you? That's it? I'd have thought you'd be sick of teasing-" She suckled at his earlobe, drifted her fingers lightly down his chest, barely there.

"Never mind. You're right. You've got me confused. All I want to do is this-"

She sucked in her breath at the feel of his hand, pressed her forehead to his chest, her knee sliding to rest beside his hip, making room.

"Castle," she gasped.

Then he stopped suddenly, slid his fingers up her spine now, dipped his thumb into her parted mouth.

She groaned.

"Teasing, Kate. Just teasing."

"That is so not fair. I - I could seriously hurt you right now."

"Oh, please do."

She lifted her head, saw the glittering fierceness in his eyes that made her heart pound even harder.

"You asked for it."

* * *

><p>When he came back into his room, she was curled up on his side, asleep. Castle placed the coffee mugs on his bedside table and brushed his warm fingers over the cool line of her cheek.<p>

She stirred and opened her eyes, blinked up at him. "Oh. Fell asleep."

"You're tired. Two seven-hour flights."

"Yeah, but you're the one who's jet-lagged," she yawned.

He nodded to the coffee but she waved it off.

He sat down on the side of the bed. "How much sleep did you get?"

She shrugged and shifted back, giving him just enough room to get in with her, no more. He didn't even have to drape her long limbs over him, she did that herself.

Not snuggling but arranging. She just arranged herself exactly where she wanted to be.

"I didn't sleep at all," she admitted. "Too excited. Nervous. Both times."

He scraped her hair out of his mouth, smoothed it down her head, tucked it behind her ear. She had her hand over his sternum, suddenly stroked her finger at the hollow of his throat. It shouldn't be arousing, but it was. He had pretty much nothing left, and yet-

"Nervous?" he said, trying to distract himself.

"I missed you. I built it up in my head. Or - or I was afraid I'd built it up in my head."

"Oh?" Built up what, exactly? Their relationship or their reunion? Because those were two different anxieties.

"No need to worry, Castle. You're just as amazing as I remembered."

His grin answered hers, but her half-teasing words warmed him, shot a jolt of energy back into his body too. She shifted, brushing her knee against him.

"You're more than amazing," he said back, though it sounded rather cheesy. "But I was nervous too. About seeing you again."

"Yeah," she said softly, turned her mouth to his shoulder and pressed a kiss there. "This is - this is harder, I think."

He laughed deeply at that, had to roll over so he could sit up and breathe as he laughed, even while she glared at him.

"_Not that_. Well. That is too - getting there-" She paused to let him let out another startled chuckle. "But," she insisted, shaking her head. Kate untangled her body from his to sit up with him against the headboard. "I meant."

"Yeah, yeah, sorry. It's just - I was already wishing I was twenty-five so we could just go at it all night and tomorrow, and then you said that, sounding so hopeful-"

She rolled her eyes and shoved on his shoulder.

"Sorry. You were saying something serious." Castle dragged her back to him, all cool skin and heat underneath, like she was made of material that worked so efficiently there was nothing that escaped, perfectly regulated at all times.

"I was saying," she huffed, pushed against him to lift up. "I thought maybe being together in person would be hard - ah, more difficult."

"Is it?"

She nodded. "A little."

"Why? This is so much easier. I'm not constantly sighing longingly after you."

She did give him a little smile for that, as if she appreciated the attempt. "Not at all?"

He shrugged. "Okay. Still a lot of sighing." He sighed for good measure and got a wider smile for it, all beautiful eyes and laugh lines and joy.

And she grew serious again. "It's harder because when I didn't have you here, there's only room to think about how much I want you. But when you're actually here, it gives room in my head to think about all the things - all the other things."

"What things?" He traced the edge of her knee under the sheet. "I'm still thinking about how much I want you, to be honest."

She slid her fingers down his forearm, her eyes watching her hand and not him. That was okay, so long as she kept touching him.

"Things like - where am I sleeping tonight? And if I stay here, then what does that mean about tomorrow? What do I do if I can't - can't deal - and I need - space or - I don't want to hurt you - but sometimes-"

He swiped his thumb over her lips, effectively silencing her. He was impressed with himself, with her too, actually. Impressed that the things she'd just admitted didn't hurt at all, and impressed that she'd admitted them.

"You're right, Kate."

She lifted both eyebrows.

"You were right. I'm glad we were apart for so long. You said that it was easier to talk to me - easier to say what you wanted to say. I think it's made a difference to me too. It's made me know, for sure, what I've got with you. It's made me certain. Maybe because you said all those things to me, maybe because I could hear it in your voice then and still can now. Maybe - I don't know. I just know that what you told me? It doesn't shake this; it doesn't make me doubt this."

Kate drew her fingers down to his wrist, circled it tightly. "What does that mean?"

"That means - if you can't deal, Kate, all you have to do is take a walk. Go home or take Charlie out or head for the precinct. I'll be here. I might come find you after a while, or I might just get some stuff done - laundry, write some more on the book. Whatever. It's okay. I survived years of being in love with you, and I survived the last five weeks too. I can survive this - in fact, more than that - I'll be just fine."

She laid her head against his chest, right at his heart, her palm flat against his skin. "Because you know I'm coming back."

"No," he said softly, brushing his fingers through her hair. "Because I know you haven't gone anywhere in the first place."

She let out a long sigh; he felt her lashes against his skin and drew his arm around her.

"I won't go anywhere, Castle. Even if I - you're right. I won't be anywhere other than here. I love you."

He leaned down and pressed his mouth to her forehead, a seal for the promise she'd given him over the last five weeks. "I know, love. I know you do."


End file.
